Mediators and Magicians: The Shared Art of Transformation | #7

Is there really magic to a mediation? 

In this episode we will confront that head on and determine if there is really magic. 

It may surprise you to learn: 

➤ That there is magic, but not how you think it is

➤ Pre mediations and process are the stuff of magic

➤ What seems like magic, is really the result of hard work, preparation and finding common goals. 

ARE YOU READY TO RESOLVE MORE CASES THAN YOU EVER DID?

ARE YOU WILLING TO MAKE THE ADJUSTMENTS?

⚖️ I believe Successful Resolutions through Mediation are possible...when you implement the Relational Mediation Method I teach in each episode.

☎️ BOOK YOUR FREE 20-MINUTE C0NSULT to learn how mediation can save you time, reduce stress, reduce costs and make happier clients and happier you.

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💻 https://www.smarttomediate.com

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Transcript

Childhood is to be savored.  IT is true that youth is wasted on the young.  If you are lucky, you realize this and can regain some of the wonder of your childhood when you grow up and actually work for a living. What if I told you that your work as an attorney or adjuster, can be filled with the wonder of childhood.
Lets take another adventure.  Today you are the child seeing the wonder of the world and deciding how you will fit into it.  Lets go back to 1964.  He had a black cape on  with a satin red lining.  He was wearing white gloves  and had a black wand in his hand. And a top hat. He commanded the stage. All eyes were upon him.  And I,  ten year old Tony,  I was mesmerized. I didn't want to even blink for fear of missing something important.   You see, I was here to see magic.
I was here to feel the thrill of experiencing the unknown.  Was the great Mancini going to turn a rabbit into an elephant  or was he going to make my friend Frankie disappear at  something big to have  there was electric in the air at that show, even my mom and dad were excited and I could tell mom had put on her Sunday dress for this and dad, he was wearing that cologne that I can still smell.
Even now, 60 years later. 


South Brooklyn, in the 1960s was a bustling neighborhood of immigrants, and first and second generation Italian immigrants.  The fruit and vegetable vendor still came around in a horse drawn cart. And you could get ice in the summer that was scraped from a block of ice and drenched in flavored syrup, all delivered on a bicycle driven cart by a guy who did not speak any English.  There was always something fascinating going on. It was lively to say the least. What  if I told you that that the excitement of living in that bustling neighborhood, had long lasting consequences on my life and work choices. I was always longing for excitement.  I saw being a lawyer as a magical profession, full of excitement and importance. Even today, as a mediator, I look for the excitement and magic in a situation. But I am jumping ahead,  lets get back to 1966, South Brooklyn, NY……..So we were at the local movie theater on Court street  in downtown Brooklyn, New York. This street, I would later learn was aptly named since it literally went right by the Supreme Court Building.  A place that later I would practice as a lawyer and spend many hours litigating cases. Only a few blocks from the LIdo theater, I now sat in as a mesmerized 10 year old.   It was called the Lido. And I loved that place.  I had already seen some movies there. I saw it's a mad, mad, mad world. The first movie I ever saw  in a theater. And more recently I had seen Thunderball, a James Bond movie, which was amazing.I vividly remember, sitting in the row, with my friends and parents that day.  And we had bonbons. They were melting in my hands.  So I remember imagining  what it would like to be grow up, to be a magician.  Would all my life be about wonder and excitement. Would I make people happy and laugh? I was excited to find out today at the magic show. There was Stanley, my friend whose dad had a big old cadillac that we loved to drive in.  And Sal, and Jenny and some others.  I was hoping that after the show we would go to Sams Restaurant just a few blocks away.  These were days when  a quarter could buy you a slice and a soda. So, The great Mancini, was commanding the stage.   He said things. He made me listen and focus. He pulled a never ending handkerchief from his mouth. Then a couple of white birds from a hat. And of course a rabbit.  All the while he said funny things. Everyone was laughing. But I was watching, I was longing for the incredible. The astounding. I wanted my heart to beat uncontrollably. I wanted to experience wonder.


  Now let's get back to that. Wonderful. Magical. Incredible.  Magic show. 
 I loved every minute of this.  I said to myself, I know this is happiness,  endless fun and laughter with friends and family.  Ah, to be young and stupid  and think all of life would be like this forever.  But I'll tell you at that moment and at that time, I knew I was where I was meant to be.
Life would never be the same for me after that.  I would spend the rest of my life trying to recapture the wonder of moments like that. The wonder of that day.  So I would go to Yankee baseball games and Giants and Jets football games. That day started my addiction to the magic of events.
To me, the players, the entertainers, They were all magicians  and I  was a pushover for the wonder. And I saw the wonder in all those moments.Remember Court Street.  It led to the courthouse. We would venture down court st and see the lawyers going in and out of the building. coming up from the subway, briefcases in hand. Always hurrying. Always looking busy. Important.  They had the briefcase. The magic box, just like the great mancini. They made magic too. But for helping people. I became hooked on wanting to become an attorney.  When I did  became a lawyer,  I loved the excitement of that job too. The excitement of picking juries, the excitement of waiting on a verdict,  the excitement of the, , win it all costs attitude. Of arguing motions in court, fighting to the finish.  Winner take all.   I loved it all.  That is until all that excitement and wonder  landed me in the hospital with a heart attack. I was incapacitated for a while.  And I lost the wonder in my life for a while.  I lost the wonder for a while.  And it took a while  to focus, redefine, Prepare  and build new relationships  something we've talked about in previous episodes  But when I did and I did manage to do those four things  The wonder returned,  the magic came back.  And I want to share that with you now,   suppose you could create  or recreate the magic that you felt as a child,  the wonder you felt when experiencing something good and great for the first time,  imagine if you could create this in your work life now,  imagine  what that would feel like.
And imagine what that would do  to your process of going to work every day, how it would make you feel.   Just dwell on that for a moment.  And what if I told you that you, you had the power within you to do this,  that you could create the magic in your life again,  maybe for you, it was something different than a magic show.
Like it was for me, maybe it was the state fair. Maybe it was a circus. Maybe it was the skating rink. Maybe it was going to an amusement park. Well, maybe it was just reading a good book.  The point is you can create. The magic in your life again, and  when you do, you will experience wonder and happiness in your work life and in your personal life.
And you may even understand and feel like me.  This feeling was just an exceptional feeling of being special.  So, what does  the great Mancini,  in my day at the Lido, in the 1960s,  have to do with mediations  now, in 2024.  Well, nothing if you're just looking on the surface, but look just a little deeper, and in that deepness you will find some profound truths  in the personal injury game that we call work.
What if you saw your work as creating magic? The magic of making magic. A hurt person whole again  of helping someone get on their feet again of helping someone provide for their family.  I see your work that way.  , probably because I did your work for so many decades  problem. We all face the people in this industry is that most people outside of our work,  they don't see us that way.
They see us as impediments to achieving happiness.
And as I've told you before,  not too many people like the lawyers and claims adjusters.  The truth is,  if we in this business don't care about each other,  no one else is going to care about us.  And I know that sounds depressing,  but if you realize it and accept it,  you can start to change it. You can be the change.
And that's how I see mediation. That's why I became a mediator.  After all of it was said and done, , And it became very hard for me to work as an attorney in this business. mediation  that made me the magician.  You see, it brought the magic back into my life. I listen to what you have to say.  I make you focus.
I ask you listen to me  from all of that mix of our relationship. I can help you craft a solution, a solution that can border on the amazing, the great Mascolo.
  I can help you take a lot of your cases and get rid of them. Okay. And I don't mean just get rid of them, of course, but I can help you get them in front of adjusters,  the attorneys, and help you resolve those cases early on at a lesser cost.
And produce a happier client and a happier you.  I can help you maximize the return that you can get early on in a case.  And the reason that a mediator can do things like this  is because a good mediator doesn't look at the case at where it's at,  at this particular moment in time. But  the mediator looks at a case as where it can ultimately be.
And that is the magic of a good mediator and the real magic of a good mediation. It takes the case that is being presented.  It imagines its future,  and then it portrays that future to each of the parties  and helps them  craft a solution that looks to that future. At least that's what I do.
 If you'd like to hear more.  About how to tame this beast of personal injury work. And use. Mediations by me. To help you. You reach that point. Where you can reduce your caseload, reduce. Reduce costs.  Make a happier life for you and your clients.  Then please like subscribe. Subscribe. And share this podcast with others. Because together by developing a relationship and a network. At work of community people. We can make a difference together.

Hey there. I'm your host, Tony Mascolo. Attorney. And mediator for the New York court system.  And fun.  I am a recovering personal injury litigator.  Recovering from the daily grind, too many cases. Demanding clients uncertain results. Increasing. Costs meeting deadlines. And all the other obstacles. Of personal injury work. In other words. I've lived. Lived your life.  Together.  We can. Overcome the obstacles by developing methods. To manage this beast of work and reduce caseload's. Provide certainty of outcome, develop relationships that sustain. Sustain continued resolution.  We can make this. Job.  Better. Then it has been in. The past we can redefine ourselves.  As. As a group and support each other.  In an endeavor that we find. And very similar among both sides in this case.  This will give you power over your life and provide, join all the relation. that you make, but then an out of court. 
 If this sounds familiar.
Then you need to book a call.  And talk to me.  Together, we can develop a plan.  On how to approach. The mediation process. For your cases. And you can do that.  By. Going to www smart, to mediate dot. Com forward slash book a call.
We 

We 

have 

been 

talking 

about 

mediations, 

magic, 

magicians, 

mediators, 

and 

what 

if 

I 

told 

you 

that 

there 

is 

real 

magic 

in 

mediations? 

It's 

just 

not 

how 

you 

may 

think 

it 

happens. 

Let 

me 

give 

you 

an 

example 

from 

one 

of 

my 

own 

mediations. 

A 

difficult 

case 

to 

resolve 

because 

of 

the 

facts, 

the 

law, 

and 

the 

very 

differing 

views 

as 

to 

value 

by 

each 

of 

the 

parties. 

It 

was 

a 

case 

assigned 

to 

me 

by 

the 

New York 

State 

Supreme 

Court 

as 

part 

of 

its 

presumptive 

mediation 

program. 

And 

it's 

a 

case, 

that 

mediators 

take 

on 

a 

pro 

bono 

basis 

with 

an 

agreement 

to 

resolve 

it 

within 

an 

hour 

and 

a 

half. 

And 

then 

if 

it 

was 

to 

go 

past 

an 

hour 

and 

a 

half, 

the 

mediator's 

allowed 

to 

charge 

a 

fee 

that 

would 

be 

agreed 

on 

by 

the 

parties. 

I 

will 

tell 

you 

that 

for 

the 

most 

part, 

over 

the 

last 

two 

years, 

I 

have 

never 

once 

gone 

past 

the 

hour 

and 

a 

half 

actual 

mediation 

time. 

Any 

prep 

time 

is 

not 

considered 

part 

of 

the 

mediation, 

and 

therefore 

it 

is 

not 

compensable 

no 

matter 

what. 

And 

I 

will 

tell 

you 

that 

that 

is 

probably 

the 

most 

important 

part 

of 

the 

case. 

So 

even 

though 

I'm 

gonna 

be 

working 

pro 

bono 

on 

the 

mediation 

and 

on 

the 

entire 

case, 

and 

give 

them 

an 

hour 

and 

a 

half 

free, 

I 

will 

spend 

hours 

on 

the 

pre 

mediation 

preparation 

and 

I 

will 

treat 

that 

mediation 

as 

if 

it's 

the 

same 

as 

if 

they 

were 

paying 

me 

for 

the 

mediation, 

because 

resolution 

of 

the 

case 

is 

my 

main 

goal. 

A 

closed 

case 

is 

my 

main 

goal. 

A 

closed 

case 

is 

how 

I 

help 

the 

attorneys 

and 

adjusters. 

Something 

that 

I 

truly 

want 

to 

do. 

Don't 

get 

me 

wrong, 

I 

don't 

mind 

getting 

paid 

either, 

and 

you 

certainly 

can 

hire 

me, 

as 

part 

of 

a 

paid 

process 

by 

going 

to 

one 

of 

the 

companies 

that 

I 

work 

for 

or 

hiring 

me 

directly, 

just 

reaching 

out 

to 

me 

as 

I'll 

give 

you 

an 

opportunity 

to 

do 

at 

the 

end 

of 

this. 

You just gotta go to a, you know, www smart to mediate.com/book a call and we'll get your case on too. Anyway, back to, to this, mediation. So the process began, step one was to do the prem mediation meeting, and I did that at that, gave me some clues as to how I could resolve the case. 

I had already downloaded as part of the process, the ECOT file, and there was plenty of information there for me to work from. There was pleadings, bills of particulars, evidence from motions, documentary evidence. There were depositions, orders, and the like. I got a really good idea of each party's position on the case. 

And it was then that I started to formulate the plan that I was going to use to resolve the case so that at the mediation when I resolved it, it was gonna look like a magic show, but it wasn't really, I was preparing for that during the prem mediations. Step one, step two, you know, the EEC court file, step two, you know, meeting with the, prem mediations, to go over it. 

and then understanding the facts, the law, you know, everything that might be important in this particular case, age of plaintiff was important. Type of accident was important. The venue trends where the case was pending, and the type of case it was in that venue, where it was in the litigation process, how close to trial was it really, all of these things were, were part of the plan and process that I was going through. 

Those individual discussions were held within a week of the case being assigned to me, and then the actual mediation was set up for three weeks later during that time, that three weeks between the prem mediations where I'd found out a lot and developed a plan and the actual mediation. Well, during that time, I found ways to implement my plan and the way to implement my plan was to contact the parties by phone or zoom on a couple of occasions with some questions about the case or some something that I couldn't exactly understand they were trying to say in the, in their, affirmation on our particular motion. 

That was important to have those discussions because it led us to the very important step of developing a relationship together. Now, this is an invaluable tool, again, in the, in the magic process, which makes things at the end look as if it's magic, but it really isn't. 

We were developing this relationship because the development of the relationship between me and the parties, and I even forced a relationship between the parties themselves that didn't exist by giving them a reason to speak to each other by creating that relationship. I was laying the groundwork for the settlement at the mediation. I guess you guys, you know, you realize now you're getting a clear idea of the magic of a mediation. 

It's really not magic at all. It's just process. It's good process. If the process is good, then the result of the mediation will seem magical, but it's not. It would only seem magical to the untrained eye to those of us, like you and I and our counterparts. We know that mediation and resolution of cases, it doesn't ever happen without true work on everyone's part. 

And 

at 

the 

end 

of 

that 

mediation, 

I 

would 

say 

that 

the 

parties 

will 

recognize 

and 

say, 

ah, 

I 

understand 

what 

was 

going 

on 

now, 

why 

he 

was 

so 

involved 

in 

this 

case, 

because 

he 

was 

committed 

to 

what 

I 

was 

committed 

to. 

And 

that's 

gonna 

take 

me 

to 

the 

fourth 

step 

on 

this 

case, 

which 

is 

the 

mediation 

itself. 

So 

I 

utilized 

everything 

I 

learned 

about 

the 

case 

and 

about 

the 

attorneys 

and 

about 

the 

adjusters. 

Everything 

at 

the 

mediation 

itself. 

One 

of 

the 

most 

important 

parts 

of 

this 

particular 

case 

in 

getting 

it 

resolved 

was 

that 

both 

sides 

wanted 

to 

resolve 

it 

before 

trial. 

Both 

sides 

wanted 

a 

closed 

case. 

And 

you 

know, 

that 

coincided 

exactly 

with 

my 

goal, 

which 

was 

to 

close 

the 

case. 

So 

there 

we 

were. 

All 

three 

of 

us 

wanted 

the 

case 

resolved. 

We 

had 

common 

ground, 

and 

I 

used 

that 

common 

ground 

and 

every 

discussion 

I 

had 

during 

that 

mediation 

with 

each 

of 

the 

parties 

alone 

and 

together 

to 

pound 

home 

that 

common 

goal 

of 

resolution 

of 

the 

case. 

Now, 

at 

some 

point, 

we, 

we, 

we 

agreed 

terms, 

it 

seemed 

magical, 

poof, 

it 

settled, 

and 

it 

may 

have 

looked 

like 

a 

snap 

of 

the 

fingers, 

but 

in 

reality 

it 

just 

looked 

that 

way. 

The 

magic, 

if 

any, 

was 

that 

each 

party 

and 

the 

adjuster 

had 

the 

same 

goal 

that 

was 

to 

close 

the 

case. 

And 

we 

did 

that 

at 

the 

mediation. 

Book 

a 

call 

at 

www 

smart 

to 

mediate.com/book 

a 

call.